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I applied for my old job at Butlins, and as they were desperate for staff they took me back on the payroll.'yes they were desperate'.. My love for Agness Fartbanger was cruely returned and i was feeling quite depressed, I knew i had to pull myself together and get on with my life. I decided that i would go to the red star entertainment room that night and let my hair down. It was whilst i was doing the twist instead of the waltz,that i noticed a pretty  young lady rummaging in the waste bin, i decided to find out more, have you lost something says i, yes she said ive lost my cigarettes, I realised that she was looking for dog ends, let me help,whilst scavenging in the bin we found a lottery ticket, after checking the lottery ticket we found it was a winning ticket, worth 3 million pounds.My this was our lucky day. The young ladys name was  Fanny Stringalong, a very pretty young lady ,but a bit slow on the uptake. We will share the money between us says i , 200 for you the rest for me, she thought all her birthdays had come at once. I decided to buy her some fish and chips  while l had some steak and chips ,washed down with a vintage wine, Fanny had a Coke.
As the weeks went by, my love for fanny grew, and i decided that i would share more of the lottery win with her, so i gave her another 200 , i realised that i was becoming to generous with the lottery money and would have to be careful..Fanny needed some work done on her teeth, so i arranged for her to see a dentist. Her teeth were so bad she only wanted a white one for a snooker set. but the dentist would put things right, i was sure of that.  Returning from the dentists her mouth was closed , and she had a note in her hand, it was from the dentist, on opening the letter it read= To the young ladys fiance, as you will notice her mouth has been stapled together because  her teeth was so bad that her breath smelled like a sewer, and was making me sick. I have left enough room so she can be fed through a straw, i have removed all her teeth, she looks better without them. If you bring her back to me in 3 weeks time i will hammer some false ones into her gums..
On reading this letter i was overjoyed to think that, very soon i would see Fanny in her majestic glory . But i was wrong, Fannys appearance changed so much that she looked like something out of space, where the dentist had ripped her teeth out, her cheek bones had drawn in like a pair of curtains.
What could l do, l decided hire a boat and take her out to sea and push her overboard.   On second thoughts l realised that l still had feelings for Fanny, so l gave her another 200 and told her to find somebody else ,as i was not worthy of her love, thats where me and Fanny parted. As i was a free agent again l decided to go on the prowl once more. It was whist walking down the promenade in Minehead that i was bowled over by a drunken motorist. At the Hospital i was informed that my leg had to be amputated, after the operation they informed me that they had taken the wrong leg off and that they would have to operate to take the other leg off. I thought things could not get any worse, but when l took the hospital to court, l lost the case. The Judge said i didn't have a leg to stand on.. As i sit here in my wheelchair watching the river flow, l know l  must pull myself together and get on with my life, I must be strong, because i have just met a loverly young lady who is not after my lottery win. Her name is Take-All  an unusual indian name.  We met two days ago whilst in the local park. lt was while she was pushing me in my wheelchair that i had this wonderful feeling of freedom, that i tried to get out of my wheelchair thinking i could walk, and fell quite heavily and started to roll down the incline, Take-All,  who had just finished drinking her Jack daniels hit me over the head with the whisky bottle and stopped me dead in my tracks...  I lapsed into unconsiosness, and on coming round i realised that ,Take-All, had taken all.. Yes  she had taken  all the money i had on me, about 500.. but worst of all she stole my wheelchair.... It had started to get dark  and with no phone she had stole my mobile as well, l started to drag myself towards the hospital.. It was 4am before i reached the hospital and the duty nurse was a Dr Crippin.. He lifted me onto a trolley and into the operating room, lt was a strange looking room more of a garage than a operating room..Dr Crippen assured me that he could stitch some new legs to my body for a small fee,  I agreed to this, and why not i had no legs anyway, the next day Dr Crippen assured me that i would be up and  running withing a couple of days, two days later Dr Crippen decided that it was time for me to stop lazing about and start to walk again, on lifting me from the wheelchair i fell to the floor like a stone, Dr Crippen decided that i should have some planks of wood strapped to my new legs as supports,  this turned out to be a great idea as i was now on the move. A new dawn was breaking, l could walk again, true it was with the aid some oak timber batons, nether the  less i was walking. Soon l was to meet a young lady with a similar disposition, her name was Susan Woodrot, that wasn't her real name, her real name was Susan Dryrot.  Susan had had some wooden legs made some time time ago, and she would use these wooden legs to great effect, as she was in the womens cricket team, she would use her right leg as a bat, and it was noted that she had never been given out  lbw. As time went on we fell deaply in love and decided to get married, everything went  well untill the time   came to say "I DO "  at the  church, as the vicar said do you take this woman to be your wife, the floor opened up and sent my wife to be, crashing 10 feet below, she died instantly. At the inquest it was confirmed that dryrot had taken hold of the church floor, it as now been confirmed that Susan Dryrot was killed by Dryrot.....How much more bad luck could i have, let me tell you,  whilst sitting on a bench in the local park i fell into a deep sleep, on waking about 2 hrs later l felt quite refreshed, unknown to me whilst asleep a Rat had  ate the foot of my wooden leg  away., on getting to my feet i instantly fell to the ground like a bag of cement,  To be con......

XMAS 2003


a -nice-parade


Prime minister Blair Our Leader???? Clic To Veiw


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