AFTER AGNESS FARTBANGER.
I applied for my old job at Butlins, and as they were
desperate for staff they took me back on the payroll.'yes they were desperate'.. My love for Agness Fartbanger was cruely returned and i was feeling quite depressed, I knew i had to
pull myself together and get on with my life. I decided that i would go to the red star entertainment room that night and
let my hair down. It was whilst i was doing the twist instead of the waltz,that i noticed a pretty young lady rummaging
in the waste bin, i decided to find out more, have you lost something says i, yes she said ive lost my cigarettes, I realised
that she was looking for dog ends, let me help,whilst scavenging in the bin we found a lottery ticket, after checking the
lottery ticket we found it was a winning ticket, worth £3 million pounds.My this was our lucky day. The young ladys name was
Fanny Stringalong, a very pretty young lady ,but a bit slow on the uptake. We will share the money between us says i , £200 for
you the rest for me, she thought all her birthdays had come at once. I decided to buy her some fish and chips while
l had some steak and chips ,washed down with a vintage wine, Fanny had a Coke.
As the weeks went by, my love for fanny grew, and i decided
that i would share more of the lottery win with her, so i gave her another £200 , i realised that i was becoming to generous
with the lottery money and would have to be careful..Fanny needed some work done on her teeth, so i arranged for her to see
a dentist. Her teeth were so bad she only wanted a white one for a snooker set. but the dentist would put things right, i
was sure of that. Returning from the dentists her mouth was closed , and she had a note in her hand, it was from the
dentist, on opening the letter it read= To the young ladys fiance, as you will notice her mouth has been stapled together
because her teeth was so bad that her breath smelled like a sewer, and was making me sick. I have left enough room
so she can be fed through a straw, i have removed all her teeth, she looks better without them. If you bring her back to me
in 3 weeks time i will hammer some false ones into her gums..
On reading this letter i was overjoyed to think that,
very soon i would see Fanny in her majestic glory . But i was wrong, Fannys appearance changed so much
that she looked like something out of space, where the dentist had ripped her teeth out, her cheek bones had drawn in like
a pair of curtains.
What could l do, l decided hire a boat and take her
out to sea and push her overboard. On second thoughts l realised that l still had feelings for Fanny, so l gave
her another £200 and told her to find somebody else ,as i was not worthy of her love, thats where me and Fanny parted. As
i was a free agent again l decided to go on the prowl once more. It was whist walking down the promenade in Minehead that
i was bowled over by a drunken motorist. At the Hospital i was informed that my leg had to be amputated, after the operation
they informed me that they had taken the wrong leg off and that they would have to operate to take the other leg off. I thought
things could not get any worse, but when l took the hospital to court, l lost the case. The Judge said i didn't have a leg
to stand on.. As i sit here in my wheelchair watching the river flow, l know l must pull myself together and
get on with my life, I must be strong, because i have just met a loverly young lady who is not after my lottery win. Her name
is Take-All an unusual indian name. We met two days ago whilst in the local park. lt was while she was
pushing me in my wheelchair that i had this wonderful feeling of freedom, that i tried to get out of my wheelchair thinking
i could walk, and fell quite heavily and started to roll down the incline, Take-All, who had just finished drinking
her Jack daniels hit me over the head with the whisky bottle and stopped me dead in my tracks... I lapsed into unconsiosness,
and on coming round i realised that ,Take-All, had taken all.. Yes she had taken all the money i had on me, about
£500.. but worst of all she stole my wheelchair.... It had started to get dark and with no phone she had stole my mobile
as well, l started to drag myself towards the hospital.. It was 4am before i reached the hospital and
the duty nurse was a Dr Crippin.. He lifted me onto a trolley and into the operating room, lt was a strange looking room more
of a garage than a operating room..Dr Crippen assured me that he could stitch some new legs to my body for a small fee,
I agreed to this, and why not i had no legs anyway, the next day Dr Crippen assured me that i would be up and running
withing a couple of days, two days later Dr Crippen decided that it was time for me to stop lazing about and start to walk
again, on lifting me from the wheelchair i fell to the floor like a stone, Dr Crippen decided that i should have some planks
of wood strapped to my new legs as supports, this turned out to be a great idea as i was now on the move. A new dawn
was breaking, l could walk again, true it was with the aid some oak timber batons, nether the less i was walking. Soon
l was to meet a young lady with a similar disposition, her name was Susan Woodrot, that wasn't her real name, her real name
was Susan Dryrot. Susan had had some wooden legs made some time time ago, and she would use these wooden legs to great
effect, as she was in the womens cricket team, she would use her right leg as a bat, and it was noted that she had never been
given out lbw. As time went on we fell deaply in love and decided to get married, everything went well untill
the time came to say "I DO " at the church, as the vicar said do you take this woman to be your wife,
the floor opened up and sent my wife to be, crashing 10 feet below, she died instantly. At the inquest it was confirmed that
dryrot had taken hold of the church floor, it as now been confirmed that Susan Dryrot was killed by Dryrot.....How much more bad luck could i have, let me tell you, whilst sitting on a bench in the local park i fell
into a deep sleep, on waking about 2 hrs later l felt quite refreshed, unknown to me whilst asleep a Rat had ate
the foot of my wooden leg away., on getting to my feet i instantly fell to the ground like a bag of cement, To be con......
XMAS 2003 |
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MY THREE GRANDCHILDREN |
BLACK+WHITE PHOTO, COLOURISED |
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BUTLINS 1955, WHERE ARE YOU NOW. |
butlins-ladies-1950 |
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